I am a rather transparent person: not very private, will tell you nearly all that you ask to hear, and I usually wear my heart on my sleeve. By God’s good grace, my transparent personality is also coupled with what I believe to be excellent intuition. Quite a combination!
I have never personally had my heart broken and I also really don’t care to feel what that is like…although I do love it when people say that you must go through it so you know what love really is. I am pretty sure I can feel love without having it wrenched out of my heart, thank you! It’s kind of like somebody telling you that you have to break your leg in order to actually know its full function. I don’t think so…
Here is my real heart break: one of my dearest friends called me the other night and stated that she had been dating someone for nearly two months. He was “alright,” “not exactly my type,” and “someone to hang out with.” Definitely my top three traits for a perfect forever! The saddest part was what she mentioned after that: “Well it is better to be with him then to not have anything.” She noticed my silence and awaited what she knew my response would be…”it is much better to be alone then to be with someone who takes away any part of you, especially your standards.” Statistically this is a rather typical “Anna” response.
Since when did we start thinking that without someone else we are nothing? Don’t sell your soul (refer to the Harlot piece for more on our personal price) and your standards just to have companionship. I have spent 27 years refining and trying to figure out who I am and I will be the last person to put my personal finishing school on hold for someone who is just “alright.” I personally believe, and could prove it to be true, that standards are of the utmost. Theoretically speaking, in order for anything to improve (government, the economy, foreign relations, etc.) statutes of higher order are necessary. This meaning that principles must first be created and then followed in order for any element of that entity to improve.
This goes for us as well! In order for society to have emancipation from divorce, heart-break, single-parent homes, abortions, etc. we must raise who we are as individuals. It is not enough to be part of the normal crowd because greatness rarely arises from the masses. We must be willing to spend a few extra days alone in order to 1) learn who we really are, 2) make sure our standards are real and not just a façade, and 3) to learn what God really sees as great for our lives. This patience is what creates in us the confidence to trust our intuition as well as gives us the ability to say no to anything sub-par.
Don’t you feel honored when you are chosen by someone who has high standards? It’s pretty much the same thing as getting a letter saying that you are the best, the ultimate, the elected, the one. Personally, I would rather wait to have “earth-shattering, spell-binding, unexplained love” versus having a right now full of “alright, good for now, not exactly my type.”
I pray that God grants each of you the patience to wait for something incredible. If you have already found it, I tip my hat to you. Oh, and congratulations on being chosen.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Cannon Beach with the beautiful roomies!
A few photos from last Sunday at the beach. It was incredibly beautiful (we think God blessed our day because we all went to early service and didn't skip out on church...hehe).
The Harlot-what is our price?
Maybe I will do something lighter next time-
I love books. However, my love is often only for the ones that you can pick up and finish in two days. My attention span is short; if it is not captured in the first chapter the book will go directly to sitting on my night stand with the large collection of “Page 20 somethings.” These are the books that I attempted to get into but stopped reading due to lack of charm, interest, etc. I usually have about five sitting on the stand at a time, secretly hoping that I will one day make it past the first 20 pages. A few of the current Page 20 Somethings include: The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire (700 pages and written in the late 1700s…”gripping” isn’t necessarily the first word that comes to mind), When the Fairy Dust Settles (part of a book club at this time), and The Marshall Plan (a friend wrote this one).
Let me get to the book for which this title is dedicated. The book is called “Redeeming Love” by Francine Collins. I am sure that many of you have heard of it and possibly even read it. I started it at 11pm on Saturday night and finished by Monday morning. If it wasn’t for the fact that I am not that charming on less than six hours of sleep, I would have finished it all the first night.
I am not too sure how to even start the write up because I am still sorting through all of the emotion that I felt by just turning page after page. I hope none of us ever have to experience the heartache necessary to find God’s love that was portrayed so vividly in this book.
Quick summation: Angel was a young girl sold into prostitution after her mother died (her mother was a prostitute as well). She was so hardened that she never cried or even tried to escape. In fact, she often went back to this way of life because it was all that she had known. She was only aware of a place where love was evil and feelings were meant to never be discussed or better yet, felt. The book is modeled after the Bible book, Hosea, in which Hosea is told to marry a prostitute (and keep going back and rescuing her). The man in the book is told by God to go into the brothel and take her out and marry her. He is a strong Christian man and spent years with her rescuing her from the depravity she was drawn back to.
I thought when I started reading this book that I would sympathize with the many, who was always trying to remove someone from all of the hurt of the world. Instead, my heart actually felt what this girl was going through. Oddly, she was a prostitute sold into the industry at the age of eight and had endured her every bone being sold at the cost and pleasure another. And I felt what she felt-to the very core of my being.
I am not a prostitute/harlot/hooker/etc., but I know what it is like to sell myself at the cost of my invaluable dignity.
We have all been a harlot to this world. We have all sold ourselves for some price at the cost of our very soul; hopefully not at the cost of physical abuse and torment at the same time. We all seem to forget that the devil does not walk around with horns on his head, cackling, and leading us into places that are on fire and marked by eternal darkness. He attracts us with shopping malls, lust (at the time the thoughts might include “what does one night matter?”), colorful magazines that not only purchase our thoughts but turn them around into an arsenal for the devil (sex is on at least 9 out of 10 of the covers of the top magazines), and wealth. Wealth will purchase a soul better than all of the others combined. How many happy people have you seen who have had a ton of plastic surgery or what about those driving the new BMW 7 series/Range Rover/etc.? Seriously, go do your own analysis on that one.
Where in all of this are we able to keep a pure heart without growing hardened to everyone around us? Where do we gain discretion, wisdom, morale, and standards if that is the last thing that the world has to offer? In fact, the world mocks those attributes more than it frowns upon STDs, open sex and divorce.
The closer I draw to God, the more I realize that He is the ONLY one that can buy us back from this world. I honestly have no idea how people who do not believe in God make it through this world…I consider myself to be personable, somewhat intelligent (credit to God on anything there), determined, independent, etc., and with all of those attributes I couldn’t imagine a world without Him. I don’t go to this world for support because it has never filled me. I can to Forever 21 everyday of my life and will still come home and want more-not because there is anything new but because I was not fulfilled. I can travel the world and experience everything other cultures have to offer and I can still come home and feel alone in my own home.
I am a harlot, bought only my Jesus’ death on the cross. The only way he could rescue any of us was to offer 100% forgiveness…99% would leave way too much left to apologize about on a daily basis. I was bought by the blood of Jesus on the cross and I will never understand why He thought I was worth it.
Remaining in wonder I will attempt to live my life knowing that I must honor someone who loves me at the cost of His own life.
I love books. However, my love is often only for the ones that you can pick up and finish in two days. My attention span is short; if it is not captured in the first chapter the book will go directly to sitting on my night stand with the large collection of “Page 20 somethings.” These are the books that I attempted to get into but stopped reading due to lack of charm, interest, etc. I usually have about five sitting on the stand at a time, secretly hoping that I will one day make it past the first 20 pages. A few of the current Page 20 Somethings include: The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire (700 pages and written in the late 1700s…”gripping” isn’t necessarily the first word that comes to mind), When the Fairy Dust Settles (part of a book club at this time), and The Marshall Plan (a friend wrote this one).
Let me get to the book for which this title is dedicated. The book is called “Redeeming Love” by Francine Collins. I am sure that many of you have heard of it and possibly even read it. I started it at 11pm on Saturday night and finished by Monday morning. If it wasn’t for the fact that I am not that charming on less than six hours of sleep, I would have finished it all the first night.
I am not too sure how to even start the write up because I am still sorting through all of the emotion that I felt by just turning page after page. I hope none of us ever have to experience the heartache necessary to find God’s love that was portrayed so vividly in this book.
Quick summation: Angel was a young girl sold into prostitution after her mother died (her mother was a prostitute as well). She was so hardened that she never cried or even tried to escape. In fact, she often went back to this way of life because it was all that she had known. She was only aware of a place where love was evil and feelings were meant to never be discussed or better yet, felt. The book is modeled after the Bible book, Hosea, in which Hosea is told to marry a prostitute (and keep going back and rescuing her). The man in the book is told by God to go into the brothel and take her out and marry her. He is a strong Christian man and spent years with her rescuing her from the depravity she was drawn back to.
I thought when I started reading this book that I would sympathize with the many, who was always trying to remove someone from all of the hurt of the world. Instead, my heart actually felt what this girl was going through. Oddly, she was a prostitute sold into the industry at the age of eight and had endured her every bone being sold at the cost and pleasure another. And I felt what she felt-to the very core of my being.
I am not a prostitute/harlot/hooker/etc., but I know what it is like to sell myself at the cost of my invaluable dignity.
We have all been a harlot to this world. We have all sold ourselves for some price at the cost of our very soul; hopefully not at the cost of physical abuse and torment at the same time. We all seem to forget that the devil does not walk around with horns on his head, cackling, and leading us into places that are on fire and marked by eternal darkness. He attracts us with shopping malls, lust (at the time the thoughts might include “what does one night matter?”), colorful magazines that not only purchase our thoughts but turn them around into an arsenal for the devil (sex is on at least 9 out of 10 of the covers of the top magazines), and wealth. Wealth will purchase a soul better than all of the others combined. How many happy people have you seen who have had a ton of plastic surgery or what about those driving the new BMW 7 series/Range Rover/etc.? Seriously, go do your own analysis on that one.
Where in all of this are we able to keep a pure heart without growing hardened to everyone around us? Where do we gain discretion, wisdom, morale, and standards if that is the last thing that the world has to offer? In fact, the world mocks those attributes more than it frowns upon STDs, open sex and divorce.
The closer I draw to God, the more I realize that He is the ONLY one that can buy us back from this world. I honestly have no idea how people who do not believe in God make it through this world…I consider myself to be personable, somewhat intelligent (credit to God on anything there), determined, independent, etc., and with all of those attributes I couldn’t imagine a world without Him. I don’t go to this world for support because it has never filled me. I can to Forever 21 everyday of my life and will still come home and want more-not because there is anything new but because I was not fulfilled. I can travel the world and experience everything other cultures have to offer and I can still come home and feel alone in my own home.
I am a harlot, bought only my Jesus’ death on the cross. The only way he could rescue any of us was to offer 100% forgiveness…99% would leave way too much left to apologize about on a daily basis. I was bought by the blood of Jesus on the cross and I will never understand why He thought I was worth it.
Remaining in wonder I will attempt to live my life knowing that I must honor someone who loves me at the cost of His own life.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Germany-aww...but for only a weekend.
On a whim (as I find life most exciting) I decided to book a trip to Frankfurt, Germany for the weekend. I booked the ticket on the 4th and flew out on the 10th. Why Frankfurt? Absolutely no idea. Just wanted to get away and I literally just thought of a random place to go in Europe and went...for three nights.
This trip was beyond incredibe in the sense that it solidified more about who I really am. I have never been the one to be settled down with the white picket fence and 2.2 kids. I am a restless heart. Yes, that can potentially be a problem but the dating scene will not be addressed here. It reminded me how important it is for me to embrace what my heart really is. It is spontaneous, passionate, random, adventurous, zealous, and full of a slight side of wreckless abandonment. And that is what I genuinely love about who God has made me to be. No one can predict where I will be tomorrow or next year, only God knows my true details and my life story.
Here are just a few of my experiences in such a short time frame.
Plane rides: Naturally, I wanted to sleep on the way there/back because it was going to be a short trip (three nights). However, on the way there I was next to a veterinarian opthamologist (asked me out to dinner in Paris but that is a different story) and on the way home I was next to some guy with PhD from MIT in engineering. Needless to say, neither plane flight (14 hours each way) involved much sleep. Certainly did learn a lot though...
The language: Do not attempt to speak German if you have never tried. I repeat, don't attempt. It is near impossible. I gave up after only a few "hallo" and "danke." Luckily for us undereducated Americans, they all speak English.
Hotels: Two things- expensive and smaller beds. That is all you need to know.
Castles: So I took a train ride to a town called Heidelberg that has the Schloss castle (circa 1500s). Missed a few stops, met a weird German man on the train that didn't stop talking to me (only slightly endearing), and finally made it to my always final destination, a castle. Met a man their named Peter. Turns out he was the hired driver for a automotibile industry CEO and his wife, Joe and Joan. They adopt me for the day, take me out to lunch, and take me back to Frankfurt in Peter's brand new 08' Mercedes S Class going 160 mph on the Autobohn (yes, that is correct 160 mph or 260 km/hour). Awesome. I love being adopted in foreign countries.
Porsche: So the second evening I meet up with someone from a travel network I belong to, asmallworld.net. He says he will pick me up and he has a silver sports car. Needless to say, it is the new 08' Porsche 911/Turbo. Nice. Great trip for great cars. He is only 27...he also has a Ferrari, an Aston Martin, and one other. He says why not own fast cars when there is not speed limit. Good point-it makes them completely useless in America. His name was Faustsus (if that has any relevance).
Shopping: Two things once again- INCREDIBLE shopping and our dollar sucks right now. Oh, and tax in Frankfurt is 18% which was ALMOST enough to stop me from buying a beautiful suit. Didn't work as I am now the proud owner of an undescribably beautiful piece of attire.
Taxis: They are all Mercedes, mostly new E-classes. Note that I could move here in an instant.
Final night: Meet up with another individual by the name of Julian (guy, not girl). Takes me to an incredible French restaurant at which I have my favorite as always, filet mignon. Incredibly great conversation and what are the chances that he happens to know the only other Germans that I know??? I had these clients in Aspen when I worked at Ralph and it turns out he grew up hunting and golfing with their families. Crazy!
The flu: Wow. I have not had the flu since I was 11 and what are the chances it would come into effect on the weekend I was in Germany??? With a fever around 103, cold sweats, and incredibly severe body aches, it introduced itself to me on Sunday night. Just try to imagine what flying with a severe flu for forteen hours is like...
Here are some pictures from the venture to attempt to put my thousands of words in pictures.
Now I am off to figure out how to get two criminal convictions off of my social security number (does anyone even know how that is possible???). Kind of makes getting a job difficult if someone else is trying to take your identity.
Auf wiedersehen, Anna
In front of the Roemberg-most of the buildings are rebuilt to look like the old ones since America and Britain bombed everything here in the 40s
The Great Cathedral in Frankfurt
Schloss Castle-incredible history here.
Don't you love traveling solo?!? For some reason people thought it odd I was only there for the weekend...
My adopted family, Joe and Joan
Porsche friend, Faustsus
Center Square of Schloss Castle in Heidelberg
The old opera house-side view
Mr. Julian-My German date for an evening
The Haphbahnhof- a beautiful train station
The Old Opera House
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